I tried like mad to find the quote that I am thinking of, but there are too many combinations and weird websites on google and I cannot do it. I read once where someone said that some people get comfortable in depression and wear it like their favorite tshirt. This is not untrue. What is terrifying about grad school for me is the starting. I can't seem to start a project, because what if once I start, I can't seem to finish? Every time I do start, I figure out the project fits me better than I imagined and it is not pulling teeth, but more like the first hill of a roller coaster. You know, with all of the fear and none of the exhileration. Maybe a little of the screaming.
But I'm not confident in my abilities. I have a couple acquaintances that I hesitate to categorize as friends quite yet, and the work is tough indeed. Couple these feelings with the feeling that though I have a job that I enjoy, it is not nearly enough. I should have a job in which I am gaining experience in my field, but I cannot seem to let go of my joe-job and lose that backup. The people there like me and I like them. They appreciate me. They will take care of me. I will not burn that bridge. I also don't want to be new again somewhere else so soon. I feel as if I had received an assistantship, life would be better and I could be more confident in my place here. Alack and alas. If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.
Regardless. With deadlines being pushed back left and right, this semester may end okay after all. Mind-numbingly terrifying, but okay. I am glad I have a degree in psych. My mind would have shut down by now without the spectacular coping methods and theories I learned about without necessarily putting them into practice. Sometimes depression isn't a clinical issue. Sometimes it's just good reality contact. That should rest no one assured. And yet, it makes me feel okay about disliking life so fervently right now.
You see why I don't write blogs? They're depressing. I turn into a 15 year old emo kid when I have somewhere to type and store it. It's ridiculous.
About Me
- That Caitlin Girl
- I am an introvert until I'm not. I like bars unless you actually ask me to go. I fear change until you challenge me. I'm stubborn as sin.
4 comments:
I believe the quote you are seeking is "Depression is like a comfortable shirt. The one with Yoda on it. The one that has the ice cream stain and smells like cat urine. Yeah, that's the one."
I never understood that quote. It seems like they never really finished their thought. The man who spouted this quote? None other than Robert Frost...
If you were truly a 15 year old emo kid you would have gotten a terrible haircut, dyed your hair black, started listening to terrible music and cut yourself. The only one of those I think you qualify for is "listening to terrible music." And that's not a crime, yet. Also, you would have been whiny-er in your post. Much much whiny-er. Yep...
emo kids are hawt
So my word verification is "downin." As in "This lack of updating is bringing me downin."
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